


One More Minute

by Winter_Child19



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Grief, M/M, Mention of Death, Non-Idol AU, Reminiscing memories, first time writing please dont hate, heart ache, love letter, would probably be sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Child19/pseuds/Winter_Child19
Summary: "And if I could just be with you again for even as short as a minute, no, even for a second, I'd gladly take the chance. "
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	One More Minute

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! It's my first time writing after six years I guess? It took me a lot of courage to finally get back into writing so please bear with me and support ToT If you can, follow me on twitter: @arenas_tyrone Love y'all!

Dealing with loss, Seungcheol figures, is not as easy as people expect it to be. 

Most would say that distancing yourself from things that remind you of the person would help or that time would eventually heal whatever wound was left. Some would probably tell the bereaved that they are always there for emotional support or that there is always someone to lean on to. 

But when every single object you see holds memories of your moments together, when time passes oh, so slowly in one's absence, when you've always held on to a single person's comforting words and presence, moving on seems twice as hard as the actual loss. 

Seungcheol finds it hard to accept that Jeonghan is gone. He finds it harder to accept that he has no choice but to move on. He finds it even harder that in a way, he has to let go of everything. He has to let go of the memories, of the love, of the life he spent with his better half. 

He wanted to immortalize their love, to erect a monument that would always remind him that they were once together, that he once had his angel by his side. He wanted something to remember him by so that he may never forget. 

And so he wrote a letter. 

"Hey sweetheart. I miss you."

By this part alone, he already felt his heart being torn to pieces. Writing a love letter, he supposed, isn't so beautiful when the one you address it to could never read it.

"I tried, you know? I figured you wouldn't want me to waste my days moping around. I know you'd want me to go out there. Have a drink or hangout with friends, go date someone else even. I know because that's how you've always been."

Caring. Thoughtful. Self-sacrificing. That's how he's always known the angel.

"But I just can't you know? Not when everywhere I look, I see your face. Not when everywhere I turn, I can smell your lingering scent. Not when everywhere I go, I hear your voice. Everything reminds me of you, sweetheart. And that makes it hurt even more. I hate that I will never wake up to your beautiful face in the morning ever again. I hate that I will no longer get to smell the lavender scent of your body wash after you come out of the shower. I hate that I will miss hearing you sing while you cook or that I will never hear you whispering silent I love you's into my ear as I drift into slumber ever again."

He tried to hold back his tears as every single memory came flooding back into his mind. The meals they shared, the games they played, the first time they held hands, the bickering, their first hug, every petty argument, the unexpected first kiss, the major fights, the passionate love they awkwardly shared the first night they crashed in their shared apartment. 

"I could never be the same you know, not when part of me has always been with you. Not when half of me isn't here. You're unfair. And I'm not talking about you cheating on games. I guess, that is one more thing I hate right now. That you left me alone. That you said goodbye way too early. That you didn't fulfill your promise of forever. I hate it."

He let himself cry. 

"I hate it. That I wasn't able to love you better. That we weren't able to make the most out of whatever pathetic time life gave us together. I hate that I wasn't able to do anything to keep you here, that even if you left me, in a way it seems I've left you alone as well. I hate it that I'd have to move on, to forget you, to let go of everything we've built together, of everything we've been through together. I hate it."

"I hate thinking that one day, I might just be able to do that. I'm afraid that one day, I might forget your appearance or the sound of your voice, I'm afraid that I might forget the special moments we shared together. I'm afraid my memories would fade and our time would just be another part of my life's history. Your memory is all I have left with me right now, Jeonghan. And by forgetting, I'm afraid I'd lose you a second time."

He doesn't want that. He would never want that.

"I have many regrets. What ifs. What could have beens. And if I could just be with you again for even as short as a minute, no, even for a second I'd gladly take the chance. If it means I could see your face again with a quick glance or hear you laugh or whisper my name, I'd give everything to take it. But I can't. And I could never. So instead, I'm writing you this, engraving into paper the details of your pretty face, the tone of your voice, your preferences, the feel of your touch, the scent of your hair, the twinkle of your eyes- everything I could remember you for. And in a way, even if you're not here, at least I would feel as if you were."

"It's selfish, I know, to keep holding onto you like this. But it's what I can do at the moment. And I hope you forgive me for not forgetting you. Because I really can't. At least, for now."

"I love you. I always will."

Seungcheol knows he's far from getting over Jeonghan's death. But he knows that at least for tonight, he'll be with him in his dreams. At least for tonight, they could be together one more time.


End file.
